P.J. O'Rourke gives a commencement speech

One that makes sense, for a change.

My generation spoiled everything for you. It has always been the special prerogative of young people to look and act weird and shock grown-ups. But my generation exhausted the Earth's resources of the weird. Weird clothes -- we wore them. Weird beards -- we grew them. Weird words and phrases -- we said them. So, when it came your turn to be original and look and act weird, all you had left was to tattoo your faces and pierce your tongues. Ouch. That must have hurt. I apologize.

So now, it's my job to give you advice. But I'm thinking: You're finishing 16 years of education, and you've heard all the conventional good advice you can stand. So, let me offer some relief:

1. Go out and make a bunch of money!

Read the whole thing. But remember, it's comedy, and a magazine article, not an actual commencement speech, and take the last point, number 6, with a grain of salt:

6. Don't listen to your elders!

After all, if the old person standing up here actually knew anything worth telling, he'd be charging you for it.

since commencement speakers may indeed be charging for their services. The most satisfactory charge for some is sheer egoboo, of course. But there may be honors involved, or even large sums of cash.

Lots of comments at Hot Air.